Four reasons I keep quiet
I find myself walking in circles around our living room sofa (as I do 76% of the time) even though it’s half past midnight this fine Thursday morning.
Soft lamp light.
Thoughts flooded my brain as I drove home from my friend Tina Marie’s house where we had a little girls only movie night. (Let me take a bunny trail for a sec before we get on topic of my driving monologue. This girl and I are two women who don’t like to stop....or slow down.....like ever! So for us (it was actually her suggestion) to stop for a movie night is kinda big....and odd.
At first, I thought I could sit. I tried sitting. It was comfortable.....until my leg began to bounce. It just wasn’t happening. Finally I gave up and began my usual (yet quite unusual) pacing around the floor. Not only did I pace circles around that living room setup I also.....during The Perfect Wave (amazing....go watch) .... managed to get some yoga poses in, practice my handstands, found styling inspiration on how to style Tina’s vintage black vest on Pinterest (where else?) and pin a few ideas for my short hair updo for our BIG Friday night....also on Pinterest ..... all the while sipping red wine and scarfing down perfectly popped buttery popcorn - classy pairing.
It was a night for the books.
Here we go.....Back to the 30 minute road trip inner monologue which brings me to 4 reasons I keep my mouth closed.....or at least edited.
This world needs a major jolt of LOVE sprinkled with unfiltered KINDNESS. I mean it here! I don’t say that to fluff your pillows (whatever, you know what I mean) I say it because it hurts my heart to see so much tragedy, pain, injustice and evil in this world....in the voices of some well known influencers I hear hurt, anger, bitterness and disrespect. Most of them are strong God-loving people I admire.
There are some really sensitive topics on the table these days and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.
My thoughts? For now I’m keeping them close to my chest. For a few reasons. Humor me ...I’m gonna share them.
First and in no particular order, it’s NOT now nor will it ever be my place to judge ANYONE! I’m NOT using this as an excuse to be complacent.....we all have our junk in the closet (or is it in our trunk? What if someone doesn’t have a trunk? I’d prefer the term junk in the closet cause we all have a messy closet we can relate this to); why should I throw someone under the bus because they believe differently than me, look different, act wild, even do bad things? Is it really my place? Now if God leads me to tell someone something you better bet I’ll do it (give me courage, Lord). But otherwise maybe nose is staying out of yo business.
Secondly, what would me voicing my opinions, which have yet to be fully formed on some tender topics, into the vastness of the millions of voices already squawking at the top of their lungs? Nothing. It would help no one. It would probably take me an hour to even draft ONE tweet or insta post with the speed at which my brain waves travel.
This dude Paulo Coelho said it best....”the world is changed by your example, not by your opinion.” Perfect, thanks to Lewis Howes for posting that quote on Instagram at just this very moment. Divine timing.
My third reason for not sharing my opinions is that I’m still shaping most of them. I realize that sounds wack-a-doodle but hear me out. I have a lot of questions I’m asking God. I have some confusion surrounding some topics. How do I feel? Would that opinion change if I had a different perspective or additional information? Probably. I’m not the sharpest, quickest or most eloquent tool in the tool belt but I’m strong, brave, and vulnerable which I’ll just hold onto for the time being.
I’m one person. I will make waves. I will rock the boat. The time will come when I will offend or disappoint most of you. I’m human. I’m a mess. Yes I love Jesus.....and I cuss sometimes.....shocking news break .... that’s not even all of it. I’m selfish, I’m impatient, I’m inattentive....and carry about 48 other weaknesses. I’m galaxies away from perfection and I can honestly say I’m growing each day. Striving to become a better person than I was the day before and seeking to grow closer to my Creator...to know Him more and lean into Him with my whole being.
He knows my mess and loves me anyway so it don’t matter none what people say ‘bout me. (Yep, I occasionally use my imagination when it comes to applying the English language or slang or even made up words).
Fourth and final reason I won’t shout out my insignificant opinions is that Jesus called us to LOVE God, LOVE ourselves and LOVE our neighbors.....which means everyone. Even those that are hard to love. I’m not great at this, I’ll have you know. I’m a work in progress. I’m embarrassed to say some people I just find it easy to be short or irritable with. I wish it weren’t true but I pray constantly Lord, give me compassion for your people. Help me love them and see them like You see them).
What if we could just love the person right in front of you?
Today I spent some quality time with my friend Crystal, Marco Polo’d a friend in Iowa and texted another.....simply sharing love with them. It felt so good to connct. We crave connection and it takes work to make them. While I’m at it, telling you what to do, show kindness (even when the folks at Walgreens act like you’re invisible and help every other stinkin’ person while you wait with a smile for 45 minutes...even then be kind). Every interaction, every conversation, every email, and yes every tweet....we’re to be spreading kindness through love.
“If you can’t be compassionate on social media then delete your account”
pastor Steve Berger from Grace Chapel said on Sunday.
That resonated with me so much I went to drastic measures. I took down a live video I recorded late one night with a friend a couple weeks ago. It’s worth mentioning, that video wasn’t my usual cheery, uplifting message. It was rough. Raw. Honest. Unapologetic. And slightly dramatic. We were honest about some tough stuff that was happening in a church and I don’t regret it one bit. Although I did feel it was the right thing to do to take it down all of a sudden. Strange! Sometimes you gotta bite your tongue and that was one instance I had to swallow my controversial opinions and wipe up the mess from the words I spewed into the atmosphere.
We’re all called to be different people, to have different passions, values, personalities. If you’re passionate about XYZ cause and I’m not it doesn’t mean I’m a horrible person it means maybe I’m into ABC or LMNOP cause. It will be different in each of us because we can’t ALL be ALL in for ALL of these tough topics. It’s not possible...there’s not enough time in the day.
I hate watching the news.
My heart isn’t tough enough for the negativity and harsh reality of this world. He’s given me a unique heart, mind, and perspective that will most certainly be OFF in your mind. For example, my heart and passion is toward homelessness, prison ministry, foster care and human trafficking and that’s a LOT for my sensitive spirit. Call me weak, I don’t care. There’s always someone who’ll get offended. It’s ok to leave my blog if I bother you, just go quietly please, without comment or attack. 😄
Now perhaps you understand why I don’t get into the political arena. It’s not my fight right now, I won’t get in that ring only to be pummeled relentlessly. I will know when and what subject to raise my voice to.....and I simply pray for grace and wisdom to do so.
I hope you get me. .... it just boils down to LOVE.
My writing isn’t polished. I’m unashamed. My style is choppy (but I’m working at getting better, so there’s that). I was told to blog and YouTube years ago by God and He hasn’t let me off the hook yet so I keep coming back....week after week.....hoping that some piece of content will jump off the page and someone would find hope in the message I’m sharing.
Share if you found anything helpful or inspiring.....otherwise, thanks for reading, I hope you’ll come back....it can only get better from here.