Nursing a hangover.....
Three parades, 42 moon pies, 1248 beads, 4 mimosas, and 2 king cakes later, our spinning heads say goodbye to Mardi Gras.
Mind you, I’m also nursing a snickers, powdered doughnut and heart-candied hangover from yesterday’s infamous Valentine’s Day. Lord Jesus, save me.
One night, before bed, I was complaining about something or other and my husband turns to me (with all the kindness he could muster) and said “man, your negativity sure is loud.” kuddos, babe, for reminding me (ever so gently and quote worthy) to get my stinky-fied attitude in check. Which, at that moment, I chose to do.
Thus proving positivity is most assuredly a choice, not a feeling.
I’m ever so curious as to how your 30 day positivity challenge is going? Are you positively struggling like I’ve been or are you sailing through this with flying colors?
I used to see myself as a very positive person but after holding the giant mirror of imperfection in front of my face for the past 15 days I’m humbled to say I’m just as much of a mess ...... as I originally guessed. Singing songs to the heavens on the hour isn’t exactly goin’ down over here. I have to choose every day, heck, every moment to look at my everything with a positive heart and mindset. I get to choose what words I let pass through these lips.
Here's my latest video....Episode 9...all about this challenge.
You need an example of negative thinking? (which by the way perfectly illustrates the power of thoughts) I’ve seen myself as a “mean mom” for the majority of my mothering experience. I act as if I expect perfection from two very adorably imperfect souls. Ok, that’s a stretch, they’re not ALWAYS so adorable, nor am I always a sour pill to swallow (if that’s a thing). I balance my ugly with some “sure you can play your tablet for another half hour” or “eat another piece of candy” or “I’ll play nerf wars and jump on the trampoline with you” mothering moments. And I’m sure I’m not as bad as my memory makes me out to be....my children are still alive, for crying out loud....I must be doing something right. But man, that line of thinking does NOBODY any good. Knowing it exists is the first step toward uprooting the lie and evicting it from our brain space.
This blog post is written as a brave attempt to be real; to be as transparent and raw as possible in the joy and the depths of this imperfect, totally amazing walk ... I came to ENCOURAGE.....to EMPOWER.....to come alongside you in your efforts to live a more positive, full life as we learn to Live Decorated together, from the inside out.
On that note....Yesterday...
Driving along Fort Morgan Road something sparkly caught my eye ... I lookeddown ... it was my wedding ring. What a beautiful sight to behold! Not because it’s huge or even its cleanliness ... because it’s not and rarely everis. It strikes me as the most brilliant stone I’ve ever seen....this piece of glitzy artistry represents 10 years of commitment! 10 years of my life with one person!!! That’s huge ..... huge for me!!! Far cry from my “if I make it 6 months its a miracle” relationship reputation.
We’ve had our share of lows, like most couples ..... when I say low I mean low .... to the point that the D-WORD was being tossed around here, there, and every which way! It was a dark place. My oldest, the other day, even said “I’m so glad you guys didn’t get divorced”. Interesting comment coming from a 9 year old. So perceptive, they are. Strangely aware of our relationship’s fragility, even at that young age.
I can honestly say now, from my heart, that I want to be here. I want to be in this marriage. I’m right now giving more of myself than I’ve ever given to any single person or relationship. And I still don’t even think I’m at 100%. There’s a lot of me I still hold back. I’m a bit ashamed to say that. Even as I write those words my heart pauses. Am I really not giving 100% of me to the one I am to spend the rest of my living days with!?
What is my problem?
What is my hangup?
Why am I holding back?
It’s fear .... it’s a creeping fear ... fear of rejection ..... still to this day after all the healing I’ve been through .... all the seminars, small groups, one-on-ones, and prayer sessions I still sport some ugly insecurities.
You may not be able to grab ahold of this but ..... I’m not exactly an open book. I have a really difficult time communicating my deepest thoughts and feelings, even to myself. There is so much more to me than I haven’t even tapped into. So many facets I haven’t even seen, let alone shown the world.
There are unopened chapters .... chapters that have yet to be written, ideas that have yet to be shared, thoughts that have yet to be processed.
This is my journey.
We all have a journey.
It’s not about the destination it’s about the process of getting there.
So yes, one day I will have my own successful show .... I will travel on yachts ... I will be a mighty influencer ... but until that day I will work on getting me into a better place mentally (yes, still medicated;), physically (working on it), emotionally (getting there), and most importantly of all, spiritually.
The bottom line is we have the power to choose....to create a life we’re happy to call our own. Not a Pinterest-perfect life without hiccups, temper tantrums, or whining.... but a very imperfect, messy, adventurous journey filled with highs and lows, mountains and valleys, all of which we learn from and grow through to become the person we’re meant to be. The process will never reach completion during our lifetime....it’s continual.
If we view each step as another chance to learn something and become that person we’re on the right page, in the right chapter, writing the right book. Keep writing your story.
I so appreciate you joining me on this wild adventure called life.....and more specifically this 30 day positivity challenge...no matter if you’re hearing about this for the first time you can start now....day 1...anything is possible! It all starts in our mind....our thoughts translate into powerful words then into actions that will either help others or keep us held back from the greatness we’ve been created for.....depending on which way we choose to fly.
(enter heavy English accent)
Please comment below let me know who you are.
What’s your story?
What are you going for?
How are you choosing to live decorated, darling?
Thanks for all you are and all you contribute to this world. You’re magnificent, Neighbor, just as you are.
Breaking news of the super exciting, pump you up nature:
Perhaps this powerful positivity challenge was just a warmup but I gotta tell ya, something JUMPED into my heart this week. My neighbors. Your neighbors. This neighborhood we’re creating.
Say what?!?! No, I haven’t been walking around the block introducing myself to everyone in sight....or nosing around in other people’s space, I’m just thinking of a grander scale of neighborhood. Anyway, all the details of my new Hello, Neighbor challenge will be soon forthcoming. We’ll start March 1st ... if you’re interested in more info or joining this enticing new adventure click the button on the home page to subscribe. Then, get ready for your life to change. Or at least your perspective and even an increase in motivation....truly anything is possible.